Anxiety - 2. Psychiatry A state of apprehension, uncertainty, and fear resulting from the anticipation of a realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation, often impairing physical and psychological functioning.

So today had some good and bad moments to it. It started off pretty shitty as my bosses replied to my email saying that they would be in touch ASAP which automatically set off my anxiety at a level 5. I worried that they were going to call me and be totally un-supportive, well, seems my anxiety was warranted because when they did phone they were just that. after stating that my anxiety wasnt like Chemo or breaking my leg they asked me to come back to work and train a temp and go off when it suited them basically.

I felt totally overwhelmed in the call as it was with me and two senior executives in the company and i felt like there line of questioning was both strange and manipulative. I told them that I would get back to them. After seeking some counsel from friends and family i realized that this behavior was totally unacceptable, frankly this isnt anything new from my company but i was sick and tired of it. I sent another email this afternoon stating that i would be following the advice of my Dr. and unfortunately i could not set my mental health condition around there schedule. my anxiety is still at a five now waiting for a response. part of my condition means that i find it very difficult to say no to people and i always people please. lots of people take advantage of that and part of my recovery is setting and sticking to boundaries that are fair and acceptable to me. 

Even though i felt pretty anxious this morning and i just wanted to dive back under the covers and go to bed, i didnt! I got up, got dressed, made an awesome smoothie for my breakfast and headed tea in hand for my walk and aqua aerobics session. 

My bling bling new travel mug and view on my walk.

So i get to the pool and asked for the class, i found if i bought 10 classes in one go i saved some money so i did that and then found out i had got the times wrong and had missed the class! I was so bummed! however, on my way home I happened upon a local massage and acupuncture place and made an appointment for Thursday. So all in all it was not totally wasted. plus i got some exercise.

I came home and had some lunch it was uber tasty, I made an amazing mango and cabbage salad to go with my salmon and it was uber tasty. 

Although my anxiety has been so bad today that it didnt stay in my system long (I know TMI, but this is a warts and all blog!)

So this evening i intend to do lots of meditation and relaxation breathing and try to get this under control and tomorrow is another day..........